My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
