Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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