like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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