You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
