he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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