2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
