i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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