Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
