I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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