I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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