Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
