I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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