i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
