I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
