can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
