I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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