i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
