What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
