I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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