Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
