I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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