I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
