I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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