i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I will pee on everything he values.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Also, beer. Big fan.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
