I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
