Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
