I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
