White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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