In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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