You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize