Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
