i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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