you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
