I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
