I just made out with a guy for $7.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
