i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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