My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i think i just lost a toe
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
