Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
