i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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