it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
