I wanna bring you to show and tell
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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