things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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