I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Still dying that you shit outside
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Randomize
