my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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