Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
