Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
