If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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