I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
