I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
