In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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