She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
only you would photoshop your dick
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
