I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
