I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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