Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
