Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
