that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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