I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
