Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
