I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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