I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just high enough for therapy.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
