It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
