I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i out mim tonsoeep
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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