You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
