I'm so fucking centered right now
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
