After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
